NEW FF April 2011 Jealous Alekh
by Yanks28
Summary: Shlok returns and Alekh begins to have strange thoughts and feelings about Shlok & Sadhna. Things take a strange turn when Alekh has some nightmares and thinks that Sadhna & Shlok might end up together.
1. Jealous Alekh Chapter 1

**Salekh FanFic: Jealous Alekh**

Shlok returns and events between him and Sadhna lead Alekh to become jealous and take things wrongly. Jealous Alekh will get a little possessive and angry, which can be hot. So, enjoy that. Hehe. Also, in this I'll try to include Alekh's POV as much as I can, since his POV is very hot most of the time, and I don't think you guys will mind reading something like that. Hehe. *winks* Look out for the much requested WALL scene, and maybe a rain scene too. We shall see…3 Oh, and this takes place after their honeymoon.

_**Alekh's POV: **_

As I leaned back in my chair and tried making sense of what I had discussed with Ranvir. Work was such a drag sometimes. Thankfully, I was working with my father and brother. I was very fortunate that after missing almost everything I should have experienced in life so far, I was able to make something out of myself, regardless of this misfortune. I had a great family. Ranvir made sure to guide me through everything, and I realized that some things came to me naturally as far as work related business went, that, I had God to thank for. Work was also a time for me to get to know my brother, for real. I also had a different personality now, and he was slowly getting to know me. It was amazing how many things I noticed about him since I started functioning as a fully normal adult. I noticed that he hid many things. Sometimes, you really had to pry to get something out of him. It made me smile. In that way, he was a lot like Sadhna. Sadhna kept things from her loved ones too, and you really had to notice her behavior to understand something was going on in her head.

Getting to know Ranvir helped me too. He often gave me feedback on what I was like as a person now. He told me I appeared very sure of myself. That was good to know, because I didn't always feel that way. I still had my insecurities. I would urge Ranvir to point out my mistakes. I knew he loved me, and hearing my shortcomings from him would cause me no pain. I often told Sadhna the same thing too, but Sadhna would never point it out to me. I couldn't blame her. I knew she was as in love with me as I was with her, so she really couldn't see past that. She saw no fault in me, and if she did, she would never point it out.

But, that was no problem. Life was good, and I couldn't complain. My thoughts now went to Sadhna. We had just returned from our honeymoon two weeks ago. Our honeymoon was a dream, so settling back into real life wasn't so easy at first. We didn't find any time for each other since we came back. We dealt with the time differences for a week, and then when I went back to work, I always got home late. I was hoping to find time for her one of these days, because I really wanted that myself. I couldn't get the images of our honeymoon out of my head. It's safe to say I thought about her in all my free time. Yes, she did that to me. She had complete hold of me, and then she told me she didn't feel sexy. If she only knew…

Finally our day at work was finished. Ranvir headed out first, he wanted to go buy something for Ragini. He said she had brought a new sari, and he wanted to give her matching earrings. I headed home with Papa and when I looked at my watch, surprisingly I was earlier than I'd been in weeks.

Sadhna opened the door and smiled at me. She was wearing a red sari, and she didn't have any jewelry or makeup on. She still looked so beautiful. "If only we had some privacy", I thought. That would be a nice thing to come home to. Oh how much I would love to come home, and carry her upstairs to our room and not have to think twice.

"Hi Alekh Ji…" She smiled shyly, since others were around.

"Hey Sadhna…" I smiled back widely because her being shy was very obvious to everyone around us. I saw Maa smiling from the corner of my eye.

"I'm gonna go upstairs now and freshen up…see you all downstairs soon for dinner." I started going up the stairs and looked back, and saw Sadhna smile at me. I smiled back and shrugged, it looked like she had some news for me.

I showered and changed and sat on the bed for a while. The bed looked awfully comfortable after a long day, so I ended up lying down. "It's ok, still a couple of hours before dinner, I can take a nap…" I closed my eyes and fell asleep. I don't know how long I was asleep, but I felt someone's lips on my forehead and opened my eyes.

"Sadhna…" What a beautiful thing to wake up to. I put my arms around her right away; I couldn't let her get away. She smiled and her hair fell over her shoulders, and I was surrounded by it. She smelled like flowers, as always.

"Alekh Ji, I'm sorry to wake you…you looked really sound asleep …"

I stopped her. I put my finger on her lips and she stopped speaking. I fixed her hair behind her ears and sat up, and pulled her onto the bed with me. She moved over and sat on my lap and hugged me.

"It was my plan all along…I knew if I stayed up here for a long time, you'd get curious and come up…and there's time until dinner, so…" I wasn't going to do that, but I really wanted to just hold her and be alone with her. That's when I always felt happiest, with her. She made me feel complete and perfect. I felt like I had every kind of happiness in the world when I was with her. She was my best friend and my soul mate, and of course the object of my desire.

I felt her breath on my neck, so I lifted her face and kissed her forehead. When I finished, she put her hand on my cheek, and kissed my lips softly.

"I've missed you…"

"So have I…I'm sorry for the lack of time…"

"Alekh Ji, it's not your fault…I know you always try…"

"I should probably try harder."

Her eyes were twinkling with love, the kind of twinkle they always had in them when she was near me. I was a lucky guy. She started to move off my lap and get up, and I grabbed her wrist and pulled her back and she landed on top of me, with her lips only a few inches apart from mine.

I kissed her. It felt so good to be close to her again. I never seemed to get enough of her anyway, so whenever I was too busy and didn't get to spend time with her, it always bothered me. She must have missed me for sure, because she kissed me back with a lot of intensity. She put her hands on my faced and pulled me closer with her delicate hands. I ran my hands up and down her back. I grabbed the corner of her sari, and slid it off her shoulder and put my hands on her waist. I ran the tips of my fingers on her stomach and felt her shivering slightly. Her skin felt so soft. Oh Sadhna, why? Why are you so perfect? I was marveling over how her skin felt, which is nothing compared to how her lips felt on mine. I noticed we had been kissing for quiet a few minutes, barely stopping to breathe. I stopped for a second to let us both breathe, and I saw how breathless she was. She was blushing, no, more like glowing. She smiled widely at me and looked down at my hands, which were still on her waist.

I took the opportunity to pull her closer, until we hugged. I kissed her shoulder and then I stopped and we looked at each other. I wondered how far she was willing to go right now. I hoped of course it would be much farther. We stared and smiled at each other. She lay down and I lay got on top of her. The look on her face wasn't helping things. She looked way too tempting. Her lips were parted and a bit red from all the kissing. She was glowing and looking at me through her eyelashes.

"Do you want to right now?" I asked her and noticed she was breathing fast again.

"I need to go down and finish dinner with Jiji soon…she must be wondering…"

I sighed and rolled my eyes. Great, she had gotten me in the mood and now she wants to go downstairs.

"How soon?"

She smiled. She seemed to be enjoying making me wait. "Like in 15 minutes…" Oh great, by the way, thanks for saying that at licking your lips at the same time.

I decided if I had 15 minutes, I would make the best of it. Maybe we couldn't do that, but I was still not going to let go of her. I looked down at her stomach, which was exposed, thanks to me, and I began kissing her there. I moved to her waist, and kissed my way down her curves. She was breathing faster and faster with each second. I felt her hands in my hair, pulling on it a little. She always did this when she wanted me to kiss her.

I got back on top of her and we stared at each other. Well whatever I did had worked. Her eyes were full of desire. She wanted me. I loved seeing that. I smiled in approval. She moaned lightly out of frustration, because she wanted to kiss me but I wasn't letting her. Instead of her lips, I kissed her neck and collar bone.

She sighed.

"Alekh Ji…" She said my name with a bit of frustration, but desire too.

"What?" I looked at her face, "too much for you?"

She pouted and tried sitting up and I let her. She had turned me on, and I had done the same to her. We were even now.

_**Sadhna's POV:**_

Admittedly, I was in no mood to return to the kitchen now. I sat up and Alekh Ji leaned back against the bed, and smiled at me. It was kind of a smile which said he had just won. Of course he had, he had gotten me to want just one thing, him. I stood up and went to the mirror and it really looked like I had just done that. I ran a comb through my hair and fixed my sari. My lips looked red. God, how passionately were we kissing? I blushed and shook my head. I turned around and Alekh Ji was still in bed, laying down this time.

"You better make yourself presentable too. Dinner will be ready soon."

I heard him sigh and walked out. I was going down the stairs when I realized that I had actually gone up to tell Alekh Ji that Shlok Ji had called. He was coming tomorrow night after nearly a year, and he couldn't wait to spend time with his best friend again. I had spent nearly all his time on the phone gushing about Alekh Ji, and Shlok Ji sounded very excited and happy. I slapped my forehead. Gosh Sadhna, you totally forgot. That's how crazy you are about your husband. Oh well, I'd tell him at night then. I wanted Shlok Ji and Alekh Ji to spend time together. They were best friends, and of course, Shlok Ji had done so much for us both. He would be thrilled to see Alekh Ji now.

When I got to the kitchen, Jiji had already set the table, and she smiled widely at me and then giggled. Oh no, I bet she knew what had happened upstairs. I blushed and looked away from her gaze. I silently hoped Alekh Ji ran a brush through his hair, or I wouldn't hear the end of it from Jiji. I looked down and sat at the table, pretending to fold napkins, which were already folded. Jiji cleared her throat.

"Sadhna…"

"Yes, Jiji?"

She laughed. "You two…oh my God…what happened upstairs? Did Jija Ji forget how to blow dry his hair after a shower?"

I felt my cheeks getting hot. Oh God, Jiji could see right through me anyway, so what was the point of lying?

"Jiji…we…I…I mean, it's been so many days since we've… and…" I couldn't go on. This was my limit. Shy Sadhna was now in full control.

"Oh, Sadhna!" Jiji pulled my cheek and kissed my forehead. "God bless you both! You're just so cute!"

She sat next to me and soon everyone was at the dinner table. Ranvir Ji and Alekh Ji sat together. Thankfully, Alekh Ji had made himself presentable for dinner. I tried not to make eye contact with him, or I'd probably blush so hard it would make Jiji laugh.

Dinner finished and we said goodnight to everyone and headed upstairs. I changed and we got into bed. Alekh Ji pulled me next to him and looked like he wanted to pick up where we had left off. He started by kissing my hands, and then as he went to my neck, I didn't stop him. It felt too good. I shivered as he kissed my neck and sucked on my ear lobe.

"Alekh Ji…I forgot to tell you something…"

"Mmm…" I giggled. He sounded like he was having a delicious piece of cake.

I wiggled out of his way, and looked at him. I put my hands on his face and stared at him eye to eye.

"Alekh Ji…listen to me, Shlok Ji called this afternoon. I forgot to tell you before. He's coming to India tomorrow! He'll be here tomorrow night. He can't wait to meet you!" I smiled. Shlok Ji's arrival was a really beautiful thing. I couldn't wait to hear what he thought of Alekh Ji now.

"Shlok?" Alekh Ji smiled. "Really? He's coming to India? That's wonderful! Who's picking him up from the airport?"

I laughed. Alekh Ji sounded so excited. "He didn't even tell me what time his flight's arriving. He just said he'll come back tomorrow and be at our place at night."

"Oh, well…we have to make him feel at home then. He's done so much for me. He's my best friend. I can't wait to see him! What do you think he'll think of me now, Sadhna?"

"He'll be just as amazed, impressed, and happy to see you as I am. He sounded so happy on the phone when I told him everything was fine now."

"Really? Sadhna, I owe Shlok a lot. He's done so much for me. Last time, he spent all his time here taking care of me. This time, I want us to have fun. Let's take him out to places, show him around. I want him to enjoy himself this time."

"He will. We'll make sure of that." I smiled and we lay down. The rest of the night, Alekh Ji recalled all his childhood memories of Shlok Ji. He remembered every detail of Shlok Ji's last visit. He fell asleep before me, and I smiled thinking about how wonderful it is that Alekh Ji was perfectly alright now. Shlok Ji will meet a whole new person tomorrow night.


	2. Jealous Alekh Chapter 2

_**Alekh's POV: **_

So Sadhna shared with me some of the best news ever. My best friend was coming back to India, and I would finally see him and be able to fully thank him and acknowledge all that he'd done for me. Shlok was a wonderful person, and I really couldn't wait to spend time with him again. In fact he was so wonderful, that last time I'd chosen him to get my wife re-married to. I remembered that time and couldn't believe how far things had come. Now, I could look forward to having a friendship with Shlok.

The day passed quickly. I got home from work and everyone was very excited about Shlok's arrival. In fact, everyone was dressed up. I didn't think that Shlok would notice that though, I was pretty sure the poor guy just needed some rest at first. I sat down on the sofa with Ranvir and we passed the time after dinner playing some video games. Sadhna walked by me and I saw that she was dressed in a green sari with silver designs. She had matching jewelry on which I had bought for her, and she looked dazzling. I lost my focus on the game and watched her walk by. She looked so delicate and feminine. There was something so soft about her. How could someone be so beautiful?

I felt someone punch my shoulder. "Bhaiya, I beat you…" Ranvir smiled and pointed at the TV screen. Oh, damn. He did beat me. I shook my head. "It's ok bhaiya, I can't tell you how many times Ragini has made me lose my senses." I laughed. "Yeah, I did lose my senses."

I was wondering how things were going to be now between Sadhna and I, now that we'd be even busier with Shlok here. I just hoped we would find time for romance. At I thought about her, at last the bell rang. Everyone looked at me, simultaneously, and I got up and walked towards the door. I opened it, and there he was, Shlok.

"Shlok! Welcome home!"

"Alekh! Alekh it's so good to see you!" We had someone help him with his bags, and he entered the house and we hugged. Shlok hadn't changed a bit. In fact, he was probably even more handsome than before.

"Shlok…I'm so happy you're here. C'mon in and sit down. How was your flight?"

Shlok sat down and everyone took turns to meet him. He looked very happy to see everyone. Sadhna and I sat together on the couch across from Shlok.

"Alekh…you look amazing! You're dashing! Has anyone told you that? Alekh, I'm just amazed. You are just…I'm so happy to see you! Sadhna Ji was right; you're a whole new person."

He looked over at Sadhna and smiled. "Sadhna Ji, you look amazing yourself. You were always quiet beautiful, but I've never seen you as radiant as you are tonight. It must be Alekh's love...or, maybe it's just my eyes. You are wearing my favorite color, green. It suits you a whole lot more than it does me." He laughed and everyone joined him. I looked at Sadhna who was blushing. She did that whenever anyone complimented her.

Shlok took turns talking with Maa and Papa, Ranvir, Ragini, and then we showed him to his room. Shlok said he wasn't in much of a mood to sleep, so Sadhna and I accompanied him in his room for a while.

Shlok sat on his bed, and Sadhna and I sat there with him. "So Shlok Ji, what do you think of Alekh Ji now?" Sadhna smiled and looked at me. "He's been looking forward to hearing what you think." Sadhna squeezed my hand and smiled proudly.

"Well, Alekh…you are 100%. That's the best way to put it. I used to dream of this day for you. Seeing you this way has filled me with so much joy…I'm thrilled. I really am. I'm so happy for you both, actually. You are my best friend, but I also became so close to Sadhna Ji last time I was here. We both worked together very closely to understand everything you were feeling."

"Yes Shlok Ji, you started this process. We can't thank you enough. Now, I just want you both to spend time with each other, and get to know each other."

"Yeah Shlok, I'll be going to work but come back as early as I can every night. I want you to spend the majority of your time here. Thankfully though, tomorrow is Friday, so you can bet we'll go places this weekend", I assured Shlok.

"Yeah Alekh, I really need to get out more often. London's great but being a doctor; I don't really do much in my free time except catch up on sleep. To be honest with you both, I want to move back to India", Shlok informed us.

"Really?" Sadhna sounded excited and surprised. "Shlok Ji, that would be wonderful!"

"Shlok, that would be really great. We could help find you a place here in Agra."

"Oh yes. I need help with that. I just need a small place. I'm a single guy. It would be great if you can help me, Alekh. And Sadhna Ji, you can help decorate it. I'd love you both around, and Ravnir and Ragini too."

Shlok was still single? That surprised me. A guy like Shlok shouldn't be single. He deserved a great life partner.

"Shlok, did you just say you're still single? We're going to have to work on that too, then."

Shlok smiled back shyly. "I just didn't have any time…besides; it's hard finding someone who matches my criteria. I want someone like Sadhna Ji…and people like her are really hard to find."

"Me?" Sadhna blushed and seemed surprised.

I laughed. "Nice choice, Shlok…I like the Sadhna types too." I winked at him and we both laughed, while Sadhna blushed.

"Well, I think it's time you get some sleep Shlok, you look really tired. I'll see you tomorrow after work, and we'll start catching up."

"I really cannot wait, Alekh…" He got up and we gave each other another hug and both Sadhna and I went back to our room.

I looked at Sadhna, only she could manage to look so stunning at midnight. I pulled her towards me as we entered our room, and kissed her cheek. "I want you…" I whispered in her ear.

"You should sleep. It's so late. I know you're tired. "

"So now you know what I meant on our honeymoon, that getting a hold of you at home would be very difficult. You always have an excuse."

"I'm only looking out for you. You have to get up early and it's already late. How much longer do you want to stay up?"

I sighed. She was right. So, another night of my growing sexual frustration. We got into bed, and I held Sadhna. We kissed good night and I started falling asleep. That's where it all began.

That night I had the strangest dream. I dreamed that I woke up in the morning, and Sadhna wasn't next to me. I went downstairs, and I saw Sadhna and Shlok standing face to face in the kitchen. I tried being quiet, they were standing motionless. They weren't speaking, and their expressions were blank. It was confusing. I called out Sadhna's name, and she turned and looked at me. She had the strangest expression on her face. She looked like she didn't recognize me. She looked at me like I was a stranger. I looked at Shlok, who had barely moved. His expression was still blank, but I saw that he had his hand on Sadhna's arm. I felt bewildered. I moved towards them, and they started moving backwards, expressions still blank. I felt really lost. This was totally bizarre.

"Sadhna is my wife, and Shlok is my best friend. Why aren't they looking at me?" Just then, the alarm went off and I startled awake. I looked to my right and Sadhna was there, facing the other way and still asleep. I turned off the alarm and got out of bed. I put the covers over Sadhna. For the first time in a few days, she hadn't woken up before me. It was good to see her get some rest.

My dream had left me feeling really odd. I decided it was meaningless, and got dressed for work. I ate breakfast quickly. Shlok still wasn't up, poor guy. He was probably too tired. At work I couldn't seem to concentrate. I kept trying to shake the feelings off which had been left in my after my very odd dream. I shrugged it off. It was Friday, and it was time for Shlok and I to start spending some time together. He really needed to get out and have some fun.

I got home and didn't find Sadhna at the door. I saw Ragini sitting and reading a book, so I asked her.

"Hey Ragini, where's Sadhna?"

"She's upstairs, Jija Ji." Ragini smiled.

"Oh ok, how about Shlok? Was he ok today?"

"Shlok Ji went out in the afternoon to Bauji's house. He just came back an hour ago. He's upstairs too."

"Thanks…" I figured if everyone was upstairs, I should probably go and join them. I went upstairs, but Sadhna wasn't in our room. I heard some laughter from Shlok's room. It sounded like Sadhna's voice. I guess they are in there.

I changed and went into Shlok's room, and saw Sadhna and Shlok looking at some pictures and laughing. I cleared my throat to get their attention.

"Oh, hey Alekh! Welcome home." Shlok got up and shook my hand.

"Hey Shlok, how was the night? All rested now?"

"Yeah Alekh. I'm fine. I had a nice day. I went to Sadhna Ji's Mamaji's house. At home I had Sadhna Ji and Ragini Ji to keep me company. I'm glad you're home, though now you look like you need some sleep." He chuckled.

"No, I'm fine. It's Friday. So, we should probably plan on some weekend activities, what do you say?"

"Oh course!" He smiled widely. I realized I hadn't spoken a word to Sadhna since I had entered, so I looked over at her and smiled. She was looking at the pictures. I felt really strange for a moment, that feeling from my dream returned. I was interrupted by Shlok.

"Hey Alekh, there are like 20 pictures there of me from London. In all the time I spent in London, I only took a few pictures, and even those came out bad. Take a look."

Sadhna looked up and smiled at me and handed the pictures. Shlok was right, they were pretty bad. Shlok had his eyes closed in almost all of them. I started laughing and he turned red out of embarrassment.

"Oh, it's fine Shlok", I told him.

"Imagine if there was some kind of a marriage proposal. There's not a single good picture of me to show the girl." Shlok ran his fingers through his hair while saying this. I realized it was one of his habits when he was a bit shy.

"Shlok Ji, I'll be there to assure the girl how handsome you are. Don't worry about that. Besides, Alekh Ji is very good with the camera, maybe we can take a few good pictures here in India."

"Sadhna's right. We'll start tomorrow. I was thinking, maybe we should go have dinner at a restaurant somewhere. After that, we can just go for a long drive, you know? It'll give us some time to talk."

Shlok looked thrilled. "Absolutely! I'd love that. I always want to go on a long drive, but I never get the chance."

"Well you will now", I smiled at him. Later on, Sadhna went downstairs to finish dinner with Ragini, and Shlok and I spent the time talking. At night, we watched TV together with Ranvir, and I noticed Shlok and I still got along, even though I was now a completely different person. He was such a good human being, but I kept feeling as if he was really alone. I really wished deep inside, that Shlok found his life partner soon too. He really deserved it. There was a party at the office next week. All the employees in the Rajvansh Company and their families were invited. I would take Shlok along. There were many single female employees from wonderful families. Who knows? Maybe Shlok would find "the one".

For the rest of the night, Shlok and I continued talking and I spent some time with him in his room. He asked me how I was feeling and if any of the events from my past still bothered me. I told him they didn't, and he looked thrilled. A little before we all went to sleep, Sadhna came into Shlok's room and sat down with us both and talked to Shlok.

"I'm glad you're here, Sadhna Ji. We missed you."

"I missed you both too!" Shlok and Sadhna got along very well. It was apparent. They had gotten very close last time out during my recovery process. I wonder how many things Sadhna had shared with Shlok. My thoughts momentarily went back to that time. I remembered clearly how perfect I thought Shlok was for Sadhna. He was tall, handsome, well educated, confident, calm, and he could keep her safe. I thought that was all my Sadhna needed. I looked at Shlok. A thought occurred to me as I saw him talking to Sadhna very happily; had he developed any feelings for Sadhna during that time he was with us? I wouldn't have been able to judge it back then. Right now I could see he respected her, enjoyed talking to her, and always included her in our conversations.

I pushed the thought out of my head. It was meaningless. Shlok is my best friend, and Sadhna is my wife. Shlok thought of Sadhna as a sister. Sadhna must think of him as a brother. The past few months had shown me that Sadhna loved me in every way possible. She both desired me and loved me. I was her best friend and her husband. I really had nothing to worry about.

I was so distracted; I didn't even notice Shlok was talking to me.

"Alekh?"

"Oh, sorry Shlok. I was a bit distracted. You were saying?"

He chuckled. "I was saying that I'm going to get some sleep now, and you both should too. We have some things planned for tomorrow so I don't want you driving while you're tired."

"Oh, of course! No, don't worry Shlok. We'll get some sleep now. See you tomorrow morning."

We got up again and said goodbye, and headed back to our room. Sadhna and I lay down next to each other, and she cuddled up with me. I kissed her lightly on her forehead, and she smiled back.

"Good night my sweetheart", I whispered to her.

"Good night Alekh Ji…"

I fell asleep. At some point during the night though, I had another strange dream. I dreamed that I was on a highway alone, standing in the middle of the road. It was night; the road looked wet, as if it had been raining there a while ago. There were no cars on the road. I dug my pockets for my car keys. My pockets were empty. I ran in the direction I was facing, and the night seemed to get darker and darker. I tripped over something and fell. When I stood up, I was in Shlok's room. I was standing in a corner. I saw Shlok and Sadhna sitting face to face, talking animatedly, just as they were last night. I went and sat down next to Sadhna. I tried getting both of theirs attention and neither looked at me. I looked at Sadhna, and I felt betrayed, I looked at Shlok, and I felt hatred. I felt anger which was so overpowering, that even in my dream; I must have gritted my teeth. I clenched my fists and raised my right fist and aimed at Shlok. Right as I was about to strike him, I woke up.

I looked at the clock and it was 4:13am. Sadhna was asleep right next to me. She looked beautiful. I kissed her cheek lightly, trying my best not to wake her up. She sighed contentedly. This sigh was because I'd kissed her. I recalled the Sadhna I'd just seen in my dream who had ignored me.

I shook my head. It just felt strange feeling those emotions for Shlok and Sadhna. Where was my imagination taking me? Betrayal and hatred were the two things I remembered from my dream. They felt so real. I went to the bathroom and washed my face. I looked in the mirror. I looked alright, but my head felt like a mess. I hoped I would be able to go back to sleep.

I lay down again. I turned to Sadhna's side and ran my fingers lightly over her bare arm. She was sound asleep. What did my dreams mean? I have now had two dreams about Sadhna and Shlok, I thought, and what could they possibly mean? Was I concentrating on their interactions too much? Was I feeling insecure again?

My mind had been a mess for almost my entire life, and I wasn't ready for it to be that way again. I sighed, and somehow sleep came. I didn't have any dream again for the rest of the night.


	3. Jealous Alekh Chapter 3

In the morning, I felt surprisingly upbeat. Shlok and I ran into each other in the kitchen, and both were ready for breakfast. During breakfast, we competed over how many puris we could both eat before passing out. Shlok actually ended up eating more than me, but I ate all the halwa. Sadhna had made breakfast, so it was extra special.

After breakfast we went to Mamaji's house. There everyone was thrilled to have Shlok back. He was so lovable and loved all around; I didn't understand how a guy like him could still be single. It was just one of the mysteries of life, I guess.

We had lunch with Mamaji too. Malti Bhabi was on Shlok's case again with marriage. Shlok blushed and looked away and tried his best to change the subject. Bhabi didn't give up easily.

"But why, Shlok?" You don't even have a girlfriend…I don't understand. Hmmm, don't tell me there's some dostana going on. Shlok…"

"Hey! It's nothing like that! I just haven't found the right girl. I've been telling you all. When I find her, I'll get married. I promise. You can arrange my wedding!"

This idea quieted and excited Bhabi. It made me remember what Shlok had said. He wanted someone like Sadhna, or, did he want Sadhna, and she was taken, so he was now unable to fall in love with anyone?

My thoughts were getting more bizarre by the minute. I had too much creativity and I didn't need any of it. Luckily, we decided it was time to go home, and a change of setting helped me clear my head.

We went back home and relaxed for a while. In the evening, we had plans to go shopping and show Shlok around, and eat at a nice restaurant. Then, I'd also promised him a long drive. "Let's see how much we get done", I thought.

Around late afternoon, Shlok, Sadhna, and I got dressed. Sadhna wore the prettiest light blue sari I'd ever seen. She had brought it recently with Ragini. She looked so beautiful, that I wished that it was just me and her again, and I could have her in my arms. She was standing in front of the mirror and putting her makeup on. I went behind her and put my arms around her waist.

"You look so beautiful…"

"I still need to put makeup on…"

"Don't, you look perfect already…"

She smiled. I looked at her body and sighed. My eyes went to the back of her blouse, one little string tied in a bow. My fingers twitched. I wanted so badly to pull it apart. I wanted to carry her to our bed and kiss her bare arms, neck, and her lips.

I pressed her against me and kissed her neck.

"Alekh Ji…the door's open…"

"Crap…" Sadhna giggled. I wasn't so lucky in terms of quickie romance.

We got ready and went outside, and Shlok was waiting in the living room. Shlok was dressed down for once. He wore a casual pair of jeans and a shirt, and he looked great.

"Shlok, you look great!"

"Thanks Alekh, you both look superb too…and matching colors…"

I realized I was wearing light blue too. I looked at Sadhna who smiled back.

"Sadhna Ji, that color looks very nice on you…Alekh, you too."

"Thanks Shlok Ji, and you look very handsome too…"

With all the complementing out of the way, we headed out. First stop was some shopping mall, where Shlok wanted to buy a few things, but ended up buying nothing. He wasn't much into shopping, like me.

While driving around, my eye was on the sky the whole time. It was getting cloudier by the minute. I didn't think it would be much longer until it rained. Still, we decided to go to the seaside and watch the waves from the board walk. There was a little shop nearby with snacks too. Shlok and I spent some time talking on the board walk, while Sadhna went to buy some ice cream.

We talked about many things. It was nice really getting to know Shlok. I learned that he spent most of his time getting things out of others, so he could understand them better. Very "doctor like" of him, but someone needed to listen to him too. I asked him his likes and dislikes, and got him to open up, and eventually he started talking freely on his own. While Shlok described a snowy day in London, I pondered what Shlok's feelings on love really were.

"Shlok, what is your dream woman like?"

"What a question, Alekh! I don't know exactly…most of the women I've met seem too interested in money. They all ask me about my job and where I live first. I want to meet someone who doesn't want me to settle down with, but she wants me because she loves me. She should be talkative, because sometimes I'm not. She should be honest, simple, and traditional. I'm a bit old fashioned. I don't think I'll find someone like that in London, maybe in India…"

"Have you ever been in love?"

He seemed to hesitate before answering, but he did. "Yes I have..." I wanted him to go on, but Sadhna came with the ice cream bars, and we stood together and enjoyed those.

When we finished, we walked back to the car and it was already drizzling. I wasn't wearing a jacket, so I didn't have anything to give Sadhna to cover herself with. Shlok did have a light jacket with him, and he handed it over to Sadhna. She put it on right away. I felt a strange emotion, one I hadn't experienced before. I was disappointed that I didn't have anything to help keep my wife warm and dry.

In the car, as we drove to a restaurant for dinner, I realized what that feeling actually was. It was jealousy. This shocked me. I was jealous. It must mean I was jealous of Shlok. Oh, dear God. I looked at my right, and Shlok was smiling and talking about how nice it was to experience rainfall with his best friend. He talked about one time when he was here before, and the three of us had gone out and had corn from a street vendor, and it had rained. He even remembered that Sadhna had worn a light blue sari on that day, something I had forgotten. I looked back at Sadhna, who smiled at the memory.

Shlok remembered what my wife had worn that day, but I didn't. Of course, I barely noticed her beauty back then. So, maybe that's why another man did.

I became much quieter for the rest of the car ride, but Shlok kept on talking, and my silence wasn't as noticeable. We had dinner at some fancy restaurant. Despite my off mood, I had to admit the food was superb. Shlok liked it too. During dinner, Shlok engaged mostly in conversation with me, occasionally glancing at Sadhna, who looked even more stunning with the candles and dim red lights surrounding us.

It was pouring outside and we had no choice but to get wet. The car was parked across the street, and we had to run to it as fast as possible. All three of us got wet, including Sadhna. I watched as she shook her hair and tried to warm herself up inside the car. I looked at her body, and her sari was clinging to it. Luckily it was night; otherwise it would be too transparent. Still, my eyes lingered on her face, which was covered with rain drops. Her hair was partially wet, and drops of water from her hair were falling on her chest. My mouth began watering. We'd just had dinner, and this was a different type of hunger. How badly I wanted to join her in the back seat of our car, and lick every single droplet off her chest. She shivered again and put Shlok's jacket on. I felt that pang of jealousy once again. Was I getting carried away? I felt frustrated and started the car, and we went home.

I got home and that pang of jealousy was still burning in the pit of my stomach. I saw Sadhna return Shlok his jacket and thank him. I had to keep my behavior in check towards Shlok. He was my best friend and my jealousy had no real reason. It's not like Shlok was hitting on my wife. I didn't understand what was making me so jealous. Maybe it was the fact that besides me, Shlok was the only person Sadhna looked comfortable around. She and Shlok always seemed to enjoy talking to each other. Or maybe, it was still that part of me that thought Shlok being "tall, handsome, and smart" made him perfect for Sadhna.

Shlok went to take a shower and told us he'd be going to sleep after wards. Sadhna and I went back to our room. I showered and lay down in bed, and soon Sadhna came out of the bathroom. I knew her hair would be wet and she would look ravishing, but somehow I couldn't look at her. My mind was filled with too many strange thoughts. Maybe the dreams I'd had had turned me slightly superstitious too.

She got into bed and put her head on my shoulder and her arm around me. I didn't look at her, but I held her hand. She squeezed it and I felt her kissing my arm. "Oh Sadhna…of all the nights to do this, you choose tonight…" I thought.

"Hug me, please…" She spoke in her gentlest voice. I sat up half way in bed and wrapped my arms around her. She came and sat on my lap and kissed my chest and put her arms around me tightly. I knew what she wanted. I should be glad, but unfortunately, I was so spooked from my own doubts, that I felt no urge. I looked down at her hesitantly, and she was looking up at me shyly through her eyelashes. Yup, that's what she wanted. She looked so beautiful too. I hugged her and kissed the top of her head, but then I lay down with her on top of me. She seemed surprised by my reaction, but she kept her arms around me. I noticed how quiet it was. I saw that her ear was on my heart. She was listening to my heartbeats. She did that a lot. I closed my eyes so she'd think I was falling asleep, but inside I was feeling miserable. She wanted me, but I felt so messed up that I couldn't respond back.

She kissed my cheek and went to her side of the bed. I really hoped I hadn't upset her. In a few minutes, I fell asleep. I had a third dream about the same topic in as many days. In fact, I think now, you could call it a nightmare. This time I dreamed that I was in a big party. I was standing next to someone with their back to me. It was a man. I tapped him on the shoulder, but he didn't turn around. I tried standing face to face with him, but no matter which direction I stood in, he always had his back to me. "Weird", I thought.

While I tried figuring out this odd situation, I caught two people moving from the corner of my eye. Of course, it had to be those two. I turned around and saw Sadhna and Shlok walking together and then they disappeared, literally into thin air, and as always, I woke up.

When I woke up, I realized tonight was the night we were having a party in our company. I wanted Shlok to come and meet some of the women who work with the Rajvansh Company. But of course, my thoughts were focused on Shlok and Sadhna. I tried forgetting the dream and going back to sleep. It worked, and I woke up well rested for work. My own dreams and fixation on this Sadhna and Shlok thing, plus work, kept me very quiet all throughout the day at work. Ranvir noticed my silence and tried getting me to talk. I told him it was because I had a headache last night and couldn't fall asleep. I knew he didn't buy it, but, I couldn't tell him what I was really thinking. It had become too bizarre at this point. The dreams were getting weirder and more annoying.

I got through the day somehow. We all went home early because the party was tonight in some fancy hotel. I tried being cheerful when I got home. I teased Shlok about meeting some ladies tonight, and he genuinely looked happy. Maybe I needed to relax; my imagination was getting the best of me.

Back in our room, I watched Sadhna getting ready. She wore a black sari with silver designs all over. She rarely wore black, and it looked so beautiful on her. It made her skin stand out. I was in the mood again but too bad I wasn't in it last night. She was still busy getting ready, but I turned her around to face me, and pulled her closer.

"Alekh Ji…you always pick the wrong time…"

"I can't help it, you look so stunning…just let me kiss you, I won't ask for more…"

I was holding her wrists and she tried pulling away but I brought her closer and kissed her lips.

"Sadhna…please, just one kiss…"

She looked away and smiled but then she pecked me on the lips, and pressed her against me. She swept her tongue lightly across my lower lip. Right as I was about to respond to that, she pulled away and looked back at me and smiled.

Well, I wasn't in the mood to go to any dinner now. I was feeling a different type of hunger. This was going to be a long evening. I smiled to myself.

We were all going since it was a function related to the company. Ranvir and Ragini drove off first, and Shlok, Sadhna, and I followed them there. The three of us walked in together and Shlok seemed a bit shy around so many strangers. I wanted to stay with him but I had a few people who wanted to talk to me, mainly people within our company. I went over to them and hoped Shlok would run into one of the ladies at the party.

I saw Sadhna and Ragini standing on one corner, and went over to talk to Ashok, someone who worked closely with Ranvir and I. Ranvir came over also

. We talked and I met his family. Soon, Ranvir excused himself and went over to Ragini, who was standing alone this time. Ashok and I continued talking.

"Hey Alekh, where's your friend Shlok by the way? I wanted to meet him."

"Shlok is right there", I pointed to Shlok, who was standing next to Sadhna with his hands in his pockets. He still looked uncomfortable and a bit shy. I noticed Priya, one of the girls I wanted to introduce Shlok to, was also in a corner, trying to stay away from the crowd. She was a shy one, too.

"Oh, is that his wife?" I was in my thoughts and Ashok shocked me with this question.

"Who?"

"That woman in the black sari…she's really beautiful…"

"That's _my_ wife…" My fists were ready for action, but I gritted my teeth and tried suppressing my anger, and once again, jealousy. I knew Ashok hadn't met Sadhna before, but this was just too much for me.

"Oh, I'm sorry Alekh…they were standing together and looked friendly so…"

"That's quiet enough, Ashok. That's Sadhna, my wife. Would you like to meet her?" Ashok shook his head nervously and tried smiling. He looked embarrassed, and frankly, I was glad. He excused himself and went to the bathroom.

Well, it was safe to say my evening was ruined. I observed Sadhna and Shlok. They did look very friendly, just as they always did. I watched Shlok talk to her animatedly as always, gesturing with his hands and smiling throughout. He was comfortable with her. Sadhna responded with nods and laughter, and a few giggles too. Ashok's comments had really upset me, and this scene of tranquility and apparent compatibility between Sadhna and Shlok didn't help. They appeared to be a couple to Ashok, and this really upset me. I saw Sadhna put her hand on Shlok's shoulder and point to someone in the crowd. They both laughed again and Shlok's eyes lingered on Sadhna, as she turned around and walked back towards Ragini.

We all had dinner together and I tried talking my way into a better mood. Once again, Ranvir watched me closely and tried making eye contact with me, and I avoided it. Ashok meanwhile, look like he wanted the Earth to swallow him alive. During dinner, Sadhna sat next to me and took my hand under the table. I looked at her, and she was looking down at her plate and smiling. She looked so beautiful. If only I wasn't in such a terrible mood. I was angry but yet I wanted her. Black sari, red lips, long hair, and that skin, I wished we could get some privacy so I had some time to deal with those things. Suddenly, I had this urge to kiss her right in front of everybody. I squeezed her hand, but it wasn't my normal loving touch, it was a bit aggressive.

Sadhna looked at me as if to check on me. She must have felt it through my touch, that my mood was a bit different right now. I didn't care. All at once, I was experiencing multiple emotions. I was angry, jealous, frustrated from my dreams, and superstitious. I tried my best to control myself and keep a straight face.

Dinner seemed like the longest and most unpleasant of my life. It finally ended and we all got up and started leaving. Ashok made an attempt to keep him from falling further from my graces, and introduced himself to Sadhna, whose hand I held tightly. Shlok was also with us. I didn't know what I felt about Shlok at this point. I was so upset the entire night, I hadn't noted if he and Priya had met. That doubt kept haunting me that Shlok liked Sadhna more than just a friend or a "sister".

On the drive home I realized that all my dreams had in some ways come true. The first one was Shlok and Sadhna ignoring me, which was a bit like how they were on the night where Sadhna was in Shlok's room looking at his pictures. They didn't ignore me that night, but it showed me how much time they spent talking to each other. The second dream was similar to the first, except it had me on that empty wet road, a bit like that night we went to dinner and it rained. The third dream had to have been about tonight. We were at a party, Sadhna and Shlok were talking, and the person with his back to me was probably Ashok, the one who thought that they were married.

Again, I was quiet on the way home. I looked at Sadhna, who smiled at me. Oh, those red lips. I knew what I wanted when we got home. Shlok was sitting next to me, and he looked like he was falling asleep. He was suffering from the time difference.

Finally we arrived home. Ranvir gave me a look which said "I will not shut up about this" and went to his room with Ragini. Shlok said bye to us and went to his own room. Sadhna slipped her fingers in-between mine, and squeezed my hand. We entered the room and I sat down on the edge of my bed. I needed to break something, punch someone, yell at someone, or somehow take this anger out. I slowly began to remove my watch and stared at the clock, watching the seconds pass. I didn't even realize that Sadhna was in front of the dresser, sitting down and talking. She must have been talking to me.

"Shlok has a gift for you…" She smiled, and removed her earrings.

"Shlok?" She rarely called people by their names. She had always called him Shlok Ji. I tried understanding why she had suddenly changed when she walked up to me slowly, and bent down in front of me.

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing, I'm just surprised…that you said Shlok…"

"Yes! He bought us both gifts…did you think someone else had a gift for you…like me, perhaps?" She smiled and put her arms around my neck and came closer.

"It's not that, its just…you've never called him Shlok before…you always call him Shlok _Ji_"…

"Oh…yes…you're right. I don't know why I called him Shlok…I think because you do…he's your best friend and I just felt like…" She looked a bit worried, as if even she was surprised at herself. I felt bad for pointing out something so small. I tried smiling. My mood was so off. The dreams, or nightmares, were beginning to pile up, and events in real life were becoming strange too. But still, Sadhna was in a much better mood than me, and I loved her too much to continue behaving this way with her.

"Its ok. There's nothing wrong with calling him Shlok. Forget I ever said anything about it." I smiled half heartedly. Man, I really wasn't feeling like myself. She didn't really seem to notice it much, yet.

"Ok. I will. Can I kiss you now?" She was playing with the collar of my shirt and smiling. I tried to concentrate on her and let those natural feelings come out. I looked at her red lips. Those lips shouldn't go without a kiss. She moved closer and I kissed her. It wasn't my usual kiss though. It was a lot softer. I wasn't holding her the same. I didn't have the same urge to hold her at the moment. I tried building up the desire and put my arms around her. She was rubbing my arm with one hand and playing with my ear with the other, but somehow it felt like I was only half there. I was there physically but not mentally. But I knew what she wanted, and I wouldn't reject her. She was too beautiful to go through that again. I didn't love her properly for most of our married life anyway.

I felt her pushing me with all her weight. I knew she wanted me to lie down. This must have been the first time in months that I wasn't into this moment. I wanted it so much earlier today, and now I was just robotic. I lay down and stared up at the roof. She made her way on top of me and kissed me again. I tried to get into it. This was a new experience for me, forcing myself to touch her. Was I really so disturbed that I couldn't manage to feel what I'm supposed to be feeling for her right now? I closed my eyes and tried to feel everything. I felt her lips on mine. I felt her hands in my hair. I realized how naturally things occurred between us when I wanted this, and how scripted it all felt right now. I tried sitting up and taking my shirt off. She helped me out. I nearly froze and didn't know what to do next but luckily she did. She sat in my lap and kissed my neck. Usually by now, I would be too anxious to have her, and my hands would be everywhere, but right now I realized my hands were at my sides, just holding me up on the bed. We hadn't done this for a couple of weeks at least. I felt the need in her touch.

My mind was still stuck on one question; Why? Why was I having these stupid dreams? Why was I feeling like there was anything more to Shloks feelings for Sadhna than just friendship? There was no real reason for it. Shlok had said a few things, and I had interpreted them a certain way. I was willing to accept that I had blown everything out of proportion, and I was so possessive of Sadhna, that I couldn't stand to see her conversing nicely with another man. But still, none of that explained the dreams.

While I concentrated on al of this, I failed to pay attention on what really mattered; Sadhna. My eyes were closed and when I opened them, she was sitting next to me. I realized what the problem was. I knew she had finally realized that I wasn't really there, and I wasn't in the mood.

"Sadhna, I'm really sorry…I wasn't…"

She looked at me briefly, and looked away, trying to hide her eyes from me. I felt like shooting myself when I saw that her eyes were red. Oh God, I was such a horrible person. I just broke her heart. I just made her feel like I didn't want her. I had made her feel rejected.

I came out of my robotic state and took her hand, and she pulled it away. She got up and I pulled her back again and she still kept trying to pull away.

"Listen to me...I…"

"Tell me what's wrong…you didn't want me last night either…is it me? What is it? You didn't even kiss me…that way you normally do…and…you didn't touch me….you don't want me… "… her voice trailed off at the end and she let out a deep breath and turned away from me. I pulled her into my arms before things got even worst.

"I just…I'm a bit tired, that's all. I just think I need some sleep…I do want you…" I was hiding the truth from her, but I wasn't completely lying either. I felt like the worst human being in the world at the moment. She squirmed out of my grip and I noticed she was crying. Dear God, I was despicable. I am the worst husband, worst human, worst man, and so much more. How could I not want her? As shitty as I felt after this evening, how could I not even be able to manage to touch her and to hold her right? I looked at her precious face. Her cheeks were tear-stained and her eyes looked red. Suddenly, I wanted her again. Wow, what bad timing, I thought.

I held her tightly against me and kissed her face, and I finally felt like I wanted to touch her again.

"I want you now…I'm so sorry about before, I'm a horrible person…you looked so stunning tonight…I want you…" I knew it wasn't good enough, but I wished it was.

"I'm not doing anything until you tell me what's really wrong. You're lying to me. Something is going on. Something happened this evening. Why won't you tell me?"

I couldn't tell her yet. She would think there's something wrong with me. It would probably hurt her even more that I had any sort of doubt about Shloks feelings for her, and that it made me jealous to see her with Shlok. She would think I don't trust her. But, did I trust her? Did I trust Shlok? Or was I under the spell of those horrible dreams and beginning to think badly of them both?

"Tell me."

"Sadhna, its really nothing…cant we just forget about it? I wanna do something else right now, anyway…" I kissed her cheek.

"No." She frowned and I wiped one of her tears away.

"I don't want to discuss it tonight. It was nothing. Just forget it. "

She sighed and got up, and went to the bathroom. Great, things were getting worst. It was my entire fault.

I changed and got into bed. I really wished that I could make love to her tonight, and take away her pain. I couldn't believe I made her cry and feel like I didn't want her. Suddenly, I wanted her more than anything. I was waiting for the time so we could both finally have this moment again, and here I was the one to ruin it.

Sadhna came out and changed, and quietly lay down next to me. I put my arm around her, and she didn't move. Just a few minutes ago, I barely felt anything when she was sitting in my lap and kissing me, and now even the slightest touch of her bare skin was electrifying.

"Sadhna, I want you so much. We both haven't had the chance for this moment. I'm really sorry about ruining it before. I love you. Please, let's forget about what happened and…"

"If you won't tell me anything, then no…"

I wasn't ready to tell anyone. I sighed, kissed her shoulder, and turned around and went to sleep.


	4. Jealous Alekh Chapter 4

The morning was terrible. I woke up with a headache. I didn't have a single dream the night before. It didn't matter much, I guess, because now reality was pretty bad too. Sadhna barely looked at me throughout breakfast. She looked so beautiful too, walking fast from room to room and running errands. Shlok did have some gifts for us both, which he had bought with him. He told me before I left for work that he would give them to us tonight.

I had to go to work and face Ashok again. I really hoped I wouldn't lose it and just punch the guy, because I really needed to take my anger out on something. I couldn't really concentrate at work. Ranvir was on my case again. I couldn't get Sadhnas red eyes and tear stained face out of my head. Then again, I couldn't get the images of her in my arms on our honeymoon, sighing with pleasure. Basically, I was a mess.

On my way out, I saw Ashok again and he tried smiling at me, and I smiled back and rushed pass him. I didn't want to break his jaw at work. At home, Sadhna barely looked at me once again. She told me blankly that Shlok wanted to see both of us after dinner, and walked passed me. I grabbed her arm a bit too tightly and pulled her against me.

"Are you still angry?"

"You're still quiet…"

She can be really stubborn and strong when she wants to be. I couldn't control my feelings. I was angry and…in the mood, and a bit amused by her attitude too. She was so cute when she got mad. I really wished I could seduce her into forgiving and forgetting. She pulled away and I tried grabbing her hand again, and she walked backwards in response. This is the first time it had come down to this between us. I followed her until she walked backwards, until she hit her dresser. She was about to put her hand down on it, right on top of a sharp pin, and I stopped her hand. She saw what I did, and looked at the pin. She couldn't move away because I put my arms around her, so she had nowhere to go.

I put one arm on her back and one hand on her cheek and moved in to kiss her. She turned away. I wasn't totally surprised by this, but my mouth still dropped in disappointment. Her face was turned away from mine, and she was breathing fast. I knew she wanted to kiss me too, but she was right. She was standing by her principles. I needed to tell her but I just couldn't, not yet at least. I had to get over it. I silently prayed the dreams would go away permanently, and I could get my head on straight again.

I felt sad at the distance between us, caused by my actions. I made one more attempt to gather her into my arms and kiss her. She turned away slightly but closed her eyes. I kissed her lightly on her lips, but she didn't kiss me back. I deserved even worst. I kissed her forehead and told her I loved her and left the room, and went to Shloks room. Shlok smiled at me and we talked. He asked me about how my day was. Then Shlok changed the topic and started talking about two girls he had met at our party a few days back. I had no idea he had met anyone.

"Who did you meet?"

"Priya, and that girl with the red hair…I forgot her name, she works in HR…"

"Naina…"

"Yeah, those two. Naina immediately started asking me about how much I earned as a doctor overseas. Priya barely talked. She looked at her feet the whole time."

"Did you like either of them? I mean I know it's a bit early…you barely met…"

"I don't think I like Naina much…", he laughed, "…and I don't quiet know about Priya, she didn't say much else than just telling me her name and nodding…"

I wanted to say something but Shlok continued.

"I wanna move back to India, Alekh…and it seems every woman is interested in leaving it, and they all end up asking me how much I earn. I…its scary…to think I might marry someone who's more interested in my money than me. I really want someone whos…like Sadhna. I remember Sadhna at every step of your recovery. At times I forgot she was your wife, she seemed to have no interests in her own happiness, only yours. How can I find someone like that?"

"Sadhna is…"

"Perfect. An amazing person…beautiful inside AND outside, and that's the way it should be. She lives for you…and… "

Part of me was saying how right Shlok was, and how nice it was to see that others appreciated Sadhna too, but another part of me was screaming, "just marry Sadhna then, why don't you?" Sadhna walked in and sat down next to me, and our topic changed.

Shlok had some gifts for us. He gave me mine first. He got me a very expensive painting set, which was amazing. He also got me a few other items, which he said I should open later. Then it was Sadhnas turn. He bought Sadhna a gold necklace with a green locket on it. I saw it sparkling in her hand. Sadhna blushed and I smiled when she put it against her skin, because it suited her beautifully. Green was Shloks favorite color too.

"Wow, you look beautiful Sadhna Ji…the necklace looks even lovelier on you…" I watched as Sadhna blushed. I tried making eye contact with her, but she was staring at the necklace. Shlok was smiling at her. I felt like I needed to go out for a walk.

"Thank you Shlok Ji, I really like it…"

"What do you think Alekh?"

"She looks beautiful…she always does…"

Sadhna looked at me briefly and then looked down at her hands. She got up a few minutes later and went to Raginis room. Shlok and I continued talking.

"Shlok, you told me that day at the beach that you've been in love before…who was it?"

"It was…she was…a friend…" Wow. I moved closer to the edge of my seat. "Who was it?" Shlok ran his fingers through his hair again, and looked at me nervously. "Are you ok, Shlok? You can tell me? You know everything about me…" Shlok looked like he was hyperventilating. "Alekh, I'm not ready to tell anyone yet. Give me a couple of days…I've never told anyone about it before. It's just…"

"Its alright. We can change the subject. Anyway, would you like to meet some people? Did Naina or Priya interest you enough for another meeting, perhaps? Or maybe we should meet a few other people…or, if you think I'm interfering too much, and then I guess just let it go with the flow right? You do wanna move back to India, so…"

The topic changed eventually to a lighter subject. Shlok and I went out for a walk at night. In conversation, I found that Shlok and I could really connect. But that doubt about him and his feelings for Sadhna really cast a shadow over everything. I remembered the way he looked at her a few minutes ago, and I tried to figure out what type of look that was. Was it love or admiration? I didn't know.

I decided to bring up the subject of dreams with Shlok. Maybe he could shed some insight on my condition, indirectly, and help me figure things out.

"Shlok, what do you think of dreams that have a similar theme…contain the same people…"

"Most psychologists tend to agree that dreams are representations of our subconscious thoughts. They might be caused by some thought in the back of your mind, some fears, or some desires you have. If they are recurrent, it might be a sign that you really need a break…or some kind of release. But, why are you asking me this, Alekh?"

"I've been having some strange dreams lately…I didn't have one last night…but, its like, whatever happened in my dreams seems to be connected to actual events these days…"

"Oh. Alekh, do you need to share something with me? You know you can…"

"I'm not ready to tell anyone. But…thanks for being there for me…it's a bit complicated."

Shlok was a good friend, no matter what, and so I saw his face full of concern again, the way it used to be not so long ago, when I was in much worst condition. I wonder if he could tell what was up without me telling him anything. Still, he didn't pursue the matter any further.


	5. Jealous Alekh Chapter 5

I went back to our room and watched TV. Sadhna soon came in too. I tried not to look at her, but I wanted to try to mend things again tonight. I wanted some sign from her that she was ready. I saw her go to the cupboard and put away some clothes and hang some shirts. I saw her put away the necklace Shlok gave her. Then she just stood there for a while and didn't move, which freaked me out, so I got up and slowly walked up behind her. I tapped her on the shoulder and she didn't turn. So I put my arms around her waist and hugged her.

"Are you so mad at me now, that you won't even turn around and look at me? You can't make eye contact with me anymore? "

I turned her around and she looked at me, with a mix of guilt and anger on her face. "Whatever is going on with me…I'll try my best to tell you what it is in the coming days…but it has nothing to do with how much I love you…need you, care for you, want you around…last night…it wasn't you, it was me. You were perfect as usual, I just…my head wasn't right…and I will be sorry for that for as long as I live. Can we forget that, please?"

I kissed her lightly, and she kissed me back lightly. I tried it again, and she put her hands around my neck and pressed herself on my body. I kissed her harder and she tugged on my hair a bit. I guess she was still a little angry with me, and this was her way of getting it out. I was frustrated about things too, and I was jealous as hell, there, I finally admitted it, of Shlok and how wonderful he was at getting my wife presents, and the way he would openly compliment her. I was also worried sick that he was in love with her and that she might like him a little bit too. So where would that leave me?

Meanwhile, I lifted Sadhna and carried her back to the bed, and got on top of her.

"You're still angry huh?"

"Maybe…"

"Fine. Stay angry…" I told her, but I kissed her as hard as I could and she kissed me back just as hard. I knew this was the worst mood we had both ever been in while making love, but I wanted her for so long, that I didn't care. I kissed her jaw line, as she angrily pulled my shirt apart and ran her hands down my chest. I gave her a moment to take her clothes off, and then I threw them on the floor. She did the same with mine. As we kissed, she pulled on my skin. I had never seen her aggressive before. Both of us were sweating. I held her down and kissed her face, and she calmed down a bit and stared at me. I kissed her nose and she smiled at last. I kissed her neck, her shoulders, and her hands. I was holding her wrists down, and I let them go and she touched my face. She kept her hand on my face and at last, after days of distance between us, we kissed the way it should be.

I ran my finger tips down her arms and legs and it made her shiver. She glided her fingers across my face, as if it was the very first time she ever got to touch me.

"I've missed you…and the way it feels to touch you…"

"I'm sorry for hurting you last night….I love you. I didn't mean to do that to you." She smiled and nodded.

"You're my life… "

I sighed. It felt great to hear that. She was really happy tonight. Every time I kissed her, she smiled. One more kiss is all it took, and finally any physically separation between us was over.

Afterward, she was hugging my arm and staring at my face. I became a bit self conscious.

"What?"

"You look so cute…" She smiled.

"Cute?"

"Mhmm, cause you're sleepy, but you're still trying to keep your eyes opened, and you're still thinking about something…" She sat up and kissed my cheek, and moved my head onto her lap. "Tell me what it is, I promise I wont get angry…" she said, as she ran her fingers through my hair. I thought about how to tell her this. I was scared she might be a bit too shocked.

"Well…it's ridiculous, really…but…I've been having these strange dreams and thoughts about…" I couldn't continue because I was terrified. She was already beginning to look worried.

"Can I tell you tomorrow, tonight was…" She stared ahead, but nodded slightly.

"Ok. You can tell me tomorrow." I wrapped my arms around her and held her tightly, and she hugged me back. I was about to fall asleep when I felt her fingers on my lips.

"Promise me that you're ok. I need to hear that before I sleep."

"I'm ok Sadhna, I'm ok."

She held my hand and I fell asleep pretty soon. I had another dream that night. This one was the one that left me feeling worst than all the others. I dreamed that I slapped Sadhna, and she stared back at me, crying uncontrollably. I felt my hand strike her delicate cheek. I was disgusted with myself for even dreaming such a thing. I saw Sadhna back up in fear.

"If you hate me so much, then sign the papers…"

What papers? Just then, I looked down and there were papers on the floor, I picked them up and read them. They were in fact, divorce papers. Hatred, divorce, and me slapping Sadhna? What nightmare was this?

Shlok tapped me on the shoulder, and stared at me with ice cold eyes. "She always deserved better than you…and now I'll give her just that. Get out of her life…" I felt vomit creeping into my mouth. I saw Sadhna hiding behind Shlok, and looking at me with pain filled eyes. I saw that her clothes were slightly ripped, and there was a bruise on her forehead. Since I just slapped her, I was probably the one to do all these other things too. I felt like jumping off a bridge. I tried to approach Sadhna, and Shlok pushed me away.

"She doesn't want you anymore. She's mine." Right then I woke up.

"That's just disgusting!" I accidentally said that aloud, and I saw Sadhna flinch, but turn towards me. Thank God she didn't wake up.

I really wished that we could somehow just repeat last night, even though it was early morning, and I had to go to work. I needed to take my mind off things.

I started getting ready, but I was doing everything in slow motion. Sadhna woke up too, and she sat and watched me get ready. She was in a better mood than I was. I was putting my tie on, and she was staring and smiling at me. I looked at her so I could wipe the miserable images from my nightmare. I realized I was frowning, and my mouth was slightly opened. Sadhna was looking back at me worriedly; she slowly got out of bed and walked up to me, and hugged me. She put her head on my chest and held me tightly.

"Why is your heart beating so fast? You look so upset. Please Alekh Ji, I can't stand it anymore. Please tell me everything. I'm here for you…"

"I know…and I want you so much right now, but I've gotta get going…I'll be late…"

She looked really worried and I couldn't manage a smile for her, so I put my hand under her chin and lifted her face, and kissed her as passionately as I could. I pressed her against my body and held onto her waist. I remembered that I had slapped her in my nightmare, so I kissed her cheek. She still looked worried and right before I said goodbye and left, she pulled on my tie and I got closer and we kissed again. She didn't want to let go and I knew she was worried.

"Don't worry ok? I have to go now, I'm gonna be late. Take care of yourself and smile." I kissed her once more on her lips, lightly this time, but she didn't kiss me back. I turned around and left for work.

I was so haunted by my nightmare that I couldn't help it but concentrate with all I had at work. I listened extra carefully to everyone. I spoke and pronounced every word with extra conviction. I ate slowly and carefully. I walked and stopped to talk to all the staff along the way. I did all I could to forget the images, but I couldn't. On what planet did I, Alekh Rajvansh, hit my wife?

That was only half of it. My whole nightmare was loaded with things I couldn't wrap my head around. I decided I needed to talk to someone. I was keeping it in too long and it was getting worst. I would start tonight by telling Sadhna. She deserved to know. I knew that she was probably worried right now. I knew she wouldn't eat. I knew she missed me and wanted to talk to me. I missed her too. I wanted to go home and get lost in her.

I got home and Sadhna opened the door. It turned out that no one was home. Even Shlok went somewhere to meet a friend. Sadhna took my hand and we walked upstairs to our room together. I didn't really think much; instead I just pushed her against the door and kissed her. She pulled on my collar and kissed me back like she missed me all day too.

I stopped and our foreheads touched, and we were both breathless. I wanted to go further before I had to dive back into my head and explain whatever was going on.

"Do you feel like going further?" She answered me by closing her eyes and lifting her face so I could kiss her again.

I lowered her blouse from her shoulder, and kissed her up to her ear and she pulled on my tie in response. She opened my shirt and touched my skin while we kissed. Her lips were sweet, soft, and tender. Her body was delicate. Her touch was so warm and soft. I felt the bad feeling I had all day beginning to fade, and I wished that I didn't have to explain all of that to her, but I had put it off long enough. But that could still wait a bit longer. I needed to give us both what we waited for all day. It would be a bit harder standing up, but being creative kept my mind off some other things, so I managed to make it happen, although we cheated a bit and she ended up on the edge of a table. But she kept herself wrapped around me the whole time, with her eyes never leaving mine, making sure I was still in the moment, and that I was. We were both exhausted by the end so I carried her to bed.

She lay down on top of me when we got into bed and I felt her nose on my neck. I sat up and she sat in my lap and we kissed.

"Alekh Ji, I'm ready to listen, are you ready to talk? I saw how worried you looked this morning. Something is wrong…I need to know or I'll break…I couldn't stop thinking of you all day."

"Ok…here I go…" I told her everything from the beginning without stopping. I just closed my eyes and went ahead. I described every single dream and then reality and I didn't leave out the truth about my thoughts and feelings throughout. Sadhna was silent the entire time. When I described the last 24 hours, with the dream, and how it made me feel, I felt her slipping her fingers in between mine, and squeezing my hand. Finally I finished, opened my eyes, and she was staring at our hands.

"I'm so sorry…so sorry…for hurting you, for thinking that way, for hiding it all, for doubting you and Shlok…for anything that I've said and for whatever is my fault…I really don't get it, you know how happy I was when Shlok was coming. " Sadhna sighed and looked at me calmly.

"Some of it is your fault, some of it isn't. You had those dreams which you couldn't control. The dreams are…really upsetting…but then you had thoughts which you didn't control well, and then you failed to discuss it with anyone, and you began to actually get jealous and mistrust Shlok, and even me…but that last uh…nightmare, I can understand how horrible that must've been…"

"After that, I knew I needed to tell someone…and you had to be first. I know I need to tell Shlok next, just to let him know everything and clear this situation up, and show him what a horrible friend I am…and then also to understand what's going on…and get his advice…and continue to have him be such a great friend and me…"

Sadhna shook her head and held my face.

"Look at me…I know Shlok Ji, ok? The reason why I'm comfortable with him is because of what he means to you, what he's done for you…I know he truly cares…and I would only get close to someone whom I know cares for the love of my life…you're not bad friend Alekh Ji, this is truly a complicated problem. I don't think you're doing anything intentionally…I know how horrible you're feeling about all of this…"

"So…you're not angry? You don't hate me for…? "

She smiled. "Angry? Maybe a little…hate you? I don't know what that even is…I love you with every bit of life I have in me…"

She kissed me and I felt a weight come off my shoulders. I was carrying it around for too long. I should have told her earlier.

"Shlok is coming back tomorrow morning, he went to see one of his cousins…we will tell him everything then, ok? We'll do it together. I'm with you."

I nodded and we held hands. I prayed that this wouldn't be the end of my friendship with my best friend.


End file.
